Everyone Bitching About Jordan Crawford Basically Taking a Nap on the Bench Has Clearly Never Sucked at Basketball as Much as I Did


During a game in which the Wizards struggled to shoot and score, Crawford never got a chance to contribute and appeared disengaged as he wrapped a towel over his head, tucked it into his shirt and leaned low on the bench as if he was hiding. He yawned, cracked a few jokes, and had his embarrassing DNP-CD highlighted when some fans began chanting his name for almost a minute at the end of the third quarter.

Amused by the cheers, Crawford’s teammates looked on as the third-year shooting guard continued to chill, as if nothing was going on. When asked about Crawford’s body language on the bench, Coach Randy Wittman said, “I’m watching the game. I can’t comment on that.”

Crawford didn’t speak to reporters after game, calmly breezing by, gripping his coat before the locker room was open for post-game interviews. [Washington Post]

So the DC media is pretty much throwing a hissy fit because Jordan Crawford was falling asleep on the bench last night. But I just have to say right now that as a seasoned veteran of sitting at the end of the bench I am totally on team Crawford here.

Listen I was like 6 foot 3 in sixth grade which basically made me the tallest kid in the state and I was still so shitty at basketball that I barely played a single minute ever. The only thing I was good for was that I was my coach’s version of psychological warfare. The other team would walk into the gym and see me and think shit, I guess we’re not posting anyone up tonight. Then twenty minutes later they’re wondering why I didn’t even take the tip off (guess what I can’t jump either) and I’m at the end of the bench with a boner poking through my gym shorts while I dream about fucking Patty Mayonnaise.

So I’m gonna say J-Craw knows what’s up. The Wizards were playing the Raptors. Fuck everything about that game. And if you’re Jordan Crawford there’s zero chance you don’t have an entire lifetime worth of batshit crazy sex memories you can think back on at any time. Look at that picture and tell me he’s not covering up a boner. Just killing time the same way as every basketball scrub in history. I can’t hate it.


About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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One Response to Everyone Bitching About Jordan Crawford Basically Taking a Nap on the Bench Has Clearly Never Sucked at Basketball as Much as I Did

  1. nichoberte says:

    Is he really a scrub? Do scrubs average 19 points, 6 assists and 5 boards for a month and a half and then get benched for a D Leaguer who doesn’t even provide the defense he supposedly does?
    Compare Crawfords per36 numbers with a guy like Monta Ellis, then ask yourself why the WiArds are so eager to get rid of a guy who is superior to a somewhat coveted player making 10 times as much.
    This is insanely shortsighted of the Wizards. Since when do 30th ranked offenses essentially cut a guy who is their 3rd most efficient scorer this year simply because he proved you can’t build an offense around him? That’s fine! We have two starting guards getting big minutes! Now you’re going to have a bench unit that is the worst in the league. Another dumb move by the wizards. The only team who actively tries to hurt their own players trade value before trading them.

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